Jan 20, 2010

well i'm a lucky man to count on both hands the ones i love

I lost my edge. Did I ever have one? I'm not sure. I think I've at least been close to having one at times. I don't even know if I want one for sure, but sometimes I just feel so predictable ya know? Anyway, if I did have one it's gone. But maybe people expect me to have one, so that's the surprise? Don't worry, I don't know what any of this means either. But I do know that I've been doing this lately and I kinda like it so you might find me there from now on, who knows. And I do know that I've been listening to Pearl Jam for about an hour now and it's making me miss my brothers. Even though I saw one brother today for a second (I liked your shirt today, Matt, I forgot to tell you). And now for the 4th change of subject in this single post. I've been thinking a lot about everyone I love lately and life in general and how it's just pretty tough no matter which way you do it. And also how good it feels to care about people and let people care about you. I have a hard time letting things go. People, events, periods of time, circumstances, etc. change in general is hard for me and I hold onto things that are maybe bad for me but it's hard for me to let go of something I've spent the time adjusting to and figuring out my place in. I'm being vague because I'm not sure I want to be clear. Point is, I'm trying to let go of things that are done and over without losing the part of me that was defined within them or the caring I developed for anyone or anything and it's kinda hard but it's the only way to get anything done in the here and now I think. So here's to that. Being more adaptable and present but equally sentimental and sincere. Seriously though, you should probably go listen to the new Pearl Jam.

2 comments:

brother bombi said...

Things that I thought throughout this post:

Kristofer Åström is on Tumblr.

Know what I said to my edge, like, 3 years ago? "Good riddance."

I've gotta think that weird sweater/jacket I made in 2004 is long gone.

momacita said...

If I listen to Pearl Jam, will your post make any more sense to me? Maybe it's a generational thing?